Paradox
by Frannie-pants
Summary: Paradox - A statement or proposition that seems self-contradictory or absurd but in reality expresses a possible truth. Set a couple months after 'Fang'


AN: I truly despised the second epilogue of _Fang_, and I wished that I had stopped reading after the first epilogue. The last one made me cry. This is my wishful thinking following tht book.

_Written: 5.17.2010 _

For the longest time I didn't know how to move on. I could barely get out of bed, barely eat. And for a while I did neither. I lost track of time, to be honest. But I realized…that I _could _go on and live without him. Painful yes, but necessary. I certainly didn't want to, but he didn't leave me much choice.

The voice had told me once that he was my soul mate, and I knew it was the truth. When he left, I didn't look for someone 'better', I just closed my heart off…completely. It's not like there was anyone better, even if I wanted to look. Which I didn't, of course.

He broke his promise to me…I never really thought he'd do that to me. He swore that he would never leave me again. He _promised_. But he did it anyway.

He loved me, and he loved the flock as well. How could he just leave us? After all this time, I thought it had been rather obvious that we were better off together. All of us. Honestly, I never thought I would have to do any of this—anything, without him.

I loved him so much, in a way I've never loved anyone before. You know, that kind of love that you only get to feel with one person in your lifetime. My best friend and lover, all in one.

I never moved on, I just chose a different path. One that was actually possible for me. I simply stopped feeling anything at all—except my love for the flock of course. They were like my children, and they still needed me.

Dylan tried to kiss me once, after Fang had been gone a little over a month. I think it was around then anyway, my sense of time hasn't exactly been very accurate as of lately. At any rate, let's just say that a broken jaw set him straight. The kid just wasn't understanding subtle—and not so subtle hints. He doesn't come around very often, nowadays. No one seems to mind much.

I have this…_dark hole _in my chest where my heart should be, and it _hurts_. My heart was broken, but in time I forced it back together. I forced the broken parts together, to make my heart whole again.

No one could ever see through my façade either, that was always Fang's job. He could always see right through me. I guess that comes from him practically being there for me since I was born. Now that Fang isn't here to see through my pokerface, no one is.

Things continued on like this for a while. That is, until one day I found him. Or he found me, I suppose.

I was walking along the ocean shore alone, the flock was about a quarter of a mile back taking a dip in the water. I wasn't paying much attention to anything, so it was a total surprise when I heard a soft baritone voice say my name. It wasn't a question, he knew it was me.

I felt my heart stop for a long moment, then pick up about three times it's normal pace. I stood rooted to the ground. He made an effort to make his footsteps louder than he normally did, as if he were trying not to alarm me. He said my name again quietly. I felt a single tear roll down my cheek. I unfroze, and tried to make a run for it. He grabbed my arm before I'd made it two feet, and he pulled me into him.

I could feel myself shaking, and I knew he could too. I'm sure he could feel the wet hole forming on his shirt, too. He didn't say a word. I raised a shakey hand and clutched onto the front of his shirt like my life depended on it. Maybe it did.

I didn't even make a sound as he clutched me tighter to his chest, like he was making sure I was real. He buried his head into my shoulder, and rocked me back and forth. He kept murmuring apologies that sounded suspiciously like 'I'm sorry', and if I wasn't mistaken, my shoulder was becoming rather damp.

So, the only question was…where do we go from here?

AN: This will be a two-part story. This isn't as well written as I would like it to be, but I just wanted to get it posted quick. Reviews are very much appreciated(:


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